Eulogies by daughters Marilynn and Sherry

Just over one year ago, Elmer Ross Bowes died in his sleep and his family buried him in Spiritwood, SK. We had his son's eulogy was already posted here. Now we add eulogies from daughters Marilynn and Sherry. Pictured here, Elmer & Madge with their four daughters at Madge's 85th birthday party (LtoR): Betty, Elmer, Madge, Marilynn, Sherry, Linda.

MARILYNN'S EULOGY

April 2, 1916 - May 26, 2006

Although it was with a deep sense of loss that I undertook to review my father’s life for this Eulogy, it is an honour and a privilege, for my dad has been my earliest and most long-standing hero.

When I speak about my dad, you will know that I’m talking about your loved one and friend, Elmer Ross Bowes, who was born on April 2, 1916, to Isaac (Ike) Bowes and Mary Storie Bowes, in a brick home built by his father on Avenue H South in Saskatoon. Dad was the youngest of six children. He was four years old when his dad decided he wanted to try farming, sold the family home in Saskatoon, and moved to a rented farm near Vanscoy, Sask. Here they stayed until the drought and crop failure after crop failure, and the stock market crash of 1929, prompted a move north to a homestead at Makwa, Sk. At that time Dad was enjoying school and playing Senior baseball with the Delisle team. He was invited to stay with family friends, the Hallans, to continue his schooling in Vanscoy, and to continue pursuing his passion for baseball.

It was a good arrangement as Dad and their son, Raymond, were inseparable companions and competed for best marks in school. Dad told a story about the generosity of their teacher, John McRay, who said he would give them each five dollars if they could achieve overall marks of distinction on provincial exams. The two boys rose to the challenge and were proudly given the five dollars by their teacher, which was quite something given that five dollars was a lot of money in those days and he had his own family to support. I suspect this teacher had a role in nurturing the generosity of spirit that was so much a part of Dad.

Dad talked of the day he said goodbye to his family as they boarded the train for Makwa country, along with boxcars of possessions, including livestock, and headed north. Knowing how closely Dad always has held all of his family, that would have been almost too hard for him if he hadn’t had two married sisters, Myrtle and Edith, living in Saskatoon. In July of 1933, Dad joined his family in Makwa, and it is lucky for us he did, for the Cockrums moved into the area not long after that along with their two beautiful blond daughters, Madge and Vernell, and son, Euvon. Dad wasted no time in getting introduced to the oldest, Madge, and was soon courting her in earnest. Dad told the story that, so keen was he to see her that he walked twenty miles from the Bush camp where he was working across very rough and difficult terrain to the Cockrum homestead to visit. With that kind of dedication, she knew she had a good man and they made plans to marry. Mom was eighteen and Dad twenty-one when they were married at the Cockrum family home on October 9th, 1937 and moved to their homestead not too far away.

Bob was born in July, 1940, and Dad soon realized the income from the homestead would not be sufficient to support a family. He was able to secure a job at the Searle Grain Elevator in Meadow Lake beginning a grain-buying career that lasted eighteen years, and took the family off the homestead and to Bapaume, where he continued with the Searle Grain Company, and they purchased a small general store. Their six years in Bupaume fostered many friendships, which have endured over the years. The move to Spiritwood in 1947 was the last move for the family, which now included a daughter, Marilynn, as both Dad and Mom fell in love with Spiritwood and became actively involved in the community. Dad continued to manage the Searle Grain elevator as the family grew to include daughters, Betty Ann, Linda, and Sherry. When Dad’s health would no longer permit him to endure the dust of working in the elevator, in 1958 they bought a store, which later became the local drycleaners and Laundromat.

After retiring from the Drycleaner/Laundromat business, Dad could not see himself being idle, so he took a job driving a school bus for the Northern Lakes School Division, and later custodian for the offices. He brought to this job not only his good driving ability and record, but his love of children and his ability to see the best in them, and he made lasting friendships with his bus students and their families. As dad once said, “Making friends with the kids, parents, and other bus drivers was one of the most rewarding experiences of my life.”

Dad was a superb driver and a practised prankster, and used both to advantage on numerous occasions when we were growing up. I recall one time when we were driving down the street just to the west of this building, and Dad suddenly said to Mom and all of us that the steering had gone on the car, and he made a frantic effort to get the car to make the turn, then just before we were to hit the ditch, he cranked the steering wheel around and came to a stop wiping his brow and exclaiming , “Whew! That was a close call.” And as Mom sat there recovering and we all cheered, he chuckled and we knew it had all been a game. As you can imagine, Mom said her famous, “Oh, Elmer.”

We thought Dad was well and truly retired when he left the school unit job; however, were not completely surprised when he embarked on an entirely new career. At seventy-five years of age, Dad and four other business partners set to work to build the Spiritwood Golf Course. Some of us weren’t even aware that Dad liked golf! This was a labour of love for Dad and stands as a legacy to his desire to live life to the fullest, and to his love of sport. Golf was his new sport of choice and he took to it with true sporting joy in the game. Our yearly family golf tournament, the GlenElby, named for him and Glenn, his son-in-law partner in the golf course, was a family get-together he has looked forward to every year for the past years.

Going back in history, Dad’s excellence at baseball, his love for the sport and competitiveness made him a star player at a time when baseball was a big thing on the prairies and all of North America, and the big leagues sent out scouts. Dad told of the thrill of opening the mail in his office one day when he was a young grain buyer, to find a letter inviting him to a major league baseball training camp in Florida. Although it was a difficult decision to make, he decided that with a young family to support he could not take the chance since there was no guarantee of making a major league team. To do so would have been a dream-come-true for a prairie boy who loved the game as he did, but he has said that he never regretted his decision. About baseball, he said, “I enjoyed the baseball days on the prairies and up at Makwa and Meadow Lake, but playing with the boys in Spiritwood was the most fun I’d had in thirty-six years of playing ball.” Dad also applied his knowledge and skill in mentoring young players as he coached both minor league ball, as well as hockey.

As all who have known Dad will also recall, his passion for the winter was curling, a game at which he also excelled, playing right up to this past winter through the use of the new rock throwing device. Of course, he was no longer able to sweep the rocks down the ice, but I recall how he used to love to make that broom slap on the ice. As guys will be, Dad and his curling buddies were always trying to outdo each other, and he recently retold the story on himself about how his ego just about got him into serious trouble. As he told it, he was at one time able to prove his male prowess by picking up the rock and cleaning it off on the front of his curling sweater, then lifting it into the air above his head before he brought it down for the delivery. On one occasion – actually the last time he ever tried such a stunt – he thought it would be brilliant if he took both rocks and raised them over his head. As it happened once he began to raise them over his head, he realized what damage it could do to his person if the rocks jackknifed, and he barely managed to lower them without mishap, but certainly not with as much aplomb as he had intended. One of the things I have always loved about my dad is that the target of his humour was usually himself and that he didn’t take himself too seriously.

Among Dad’s passions was a love of the town of Spiritwood. He was active in community service sitting as a Town Councillor from 1952 to 1956, acting as Mayor of the Town from 1956 to 1959, as President of the Board of Trade from 1960 to 1965, and a Medstead School Unit Trustee from 1966 to 1968. He was Vice-President, then President of the Centennial Arena Association and presided at the official opening of the Centennial Arena. He was a Mason with the Shellbrook Chapter, a Charter member of the Spiritwood Lions Club, and more recently was a member of the History Book Society and contributed to the history of the area through his writings. He was a member of the local Writer’s Group, a member of the Museum Society, and has been an active member of the Spiritwood Free Methodist Church serving in various capacities over the years.

One wonders how Dad ever found time for family and friends, but somehow he, and his life partner of 68 years, Mom, managed to always appear to have all the time in the world to connect with people – children, grandchildren, extended family, and friends – and to make those they connected with feel like they were special, which is what they always were to him.

In thinking about Dad for this Eulogy, I pondered over just what it was about Dad that made us love him so, that made him a model worth emulating for his son and daughters and their spouses, that his sons-in-law and daughter-in-law could feel he was like a father to them, too. I’ll just share a few of my thoughts before I turn the microphone over to Sherry for her portion of this tribute:

My dad (Elmer) was a man with true generosity of spirit. Not a man to hold a grudge, he freely forgave wrongs; he looked for the best in people and always managed to find it. He loved to tell jokes, and could lighten the load of disappointment and sadness with his ability to see the humour in a situation. He made many friends and kept them for a lifetime. He was a model for all of us - practising values that build relationships and community; He could get passionate about sports and politics (sharing many a friendly argument with his sons-in-law), and he could get passionate about what was good for his family and community. He could be moved to great anger only when there was unfairness, disrespect, or lack of consideration for others. He practised the Christian Virtues of Love, Joy, Peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness, and self-control.

I found a poem that exemplifies my father that I want to share with you.

When I think about a man
With a deep and quiet soul -
Who worked for what his family needed,
And took pleasure in his role …
When I think about a man
Who’s had big challenges to face,
I think about my dad
About his dignity and grace
When I think about a man
Who in his daily life revealed
So much strength and tenderness
And depth in what he felt…
When I think about a man
Who always gave the best he could,
I think about my dad,
My lifelong hero,
A good man.

SHERRY'S EULOGY

Walking into Dad’s apartment for the first time after his passing, seeing his chair sitting a bit askew … just as he’d left it, I felt the deep sense of loss that I know is shared by many of you today. Our father was a kind man who was known to have a big heart that manifested itself in many ways, some of which have only been brought to our attention in the past few days.

Isabell Horn was telling my sisters just the other day, that when her son started riding dad’s school bus he was only four years old and often he would fall asleep on the bus ride home from school. Rather than shaking him to wake him up and send him on his way, dad would gather him in his arms and carry him to Isabell’s door.

Another story that comes to mind involves an experience dad had a few years ago with one of the students that rode the school but on his Witchekan Lake route. One day while waiting his turn at the barber shop and after the barber had finished with the man ahead of him, dad took his place in the chair and was told by the barber that his haircut was paid for. When he inquired as to who had paid for it, the barber told him that the man ahead of him had – and that he’d said something to the effect that it was because, “Mr. Bowes drove my school bus many years ago, and I really liked him.”

Dad was in the process of going through old files just before he left us and one thing we discovered lying on top of his desk was a cute little note written in a child’s handwriting that said,

My Grandma and Grandpa used to own the Laundromat, but now they retired and get a lot of company. They get so much company because they have so many friends. I like my Grandpa and Grandma because they are nice to have around. There ‘hous’ is very pretty.

From Tammy

At my niece Jaime’s wedding, I wanted to laugh out loud when, as the beautiful bride, Jaime, came walking down the aisle, another niece, Debbie, leadned over and whispered in my ear, “I wonder if Gramps is crying yet?” For that was the kind of father and grandfather he was.

Some people cannot imagine our Father in Heaven as being a kind and loving God. I have no problem with that, because I only need to compare him to my earthly father. We had rules to follow that were strictly enforced by him and Heaven help us if we didn’t follow them. But they were always rules put in place not to squelch our fun (how our dad loved to have fun), but rather they were rules put in place to protect us from harming ourselves.

Martin read from the last page of dad’s daytimer. Skimming through it myself I was amused to find the pages clipped to May 23rd and to see where he’d written things important to him, such as,

Jan. 18th @ 1:30 – Bud Dicus picking me up to curl.
Jan. 26th – Madge’s 86th birthday
March 27th – Bob & Lor to arrive in Canada …
May 12th – Marilynn’s Birthday

And my personal favourite:

May 19th @ 2:35 – Go to exercise parlour @ old Lutheran Church – Viv in charge!

Dad had also written on February 13th – “Sherry left for home in Estevan – really enjoyed her visit.” I had been asked to come and stay with Mom and Dad while Linda & Glenn went on a well-deserved holiday to south America and Betty & Martin were away to their son’s in Calgary. I too had enjoyed that visit since it meant that I had mom and dad all to myself. Some of you have heard me say before that being the youngest, that rarely, if ever, happened. Before Betty & Martin left I asked if there was anything about Dad’s routine that I should be made aware of. Betty replied that, amongst other things, their nightly ritual usually consisted of her tucking dad in and then praying together with him. She forewarned me that sometimes his prayers got a bit lengthy. So it was that as I sat on the edge of dad’s walker beside his bed that night, dad reached for my hand and he began to pray. He thanked God for his wife and that they’d been blessed with so many years together and for the staff at the nursing home for taking such good care of her. He thanked God for his son and his wife (whom, he added, was like another daughter to him). He thanked God for each of his daughters and his sons-in-law and said how much they meant to him and how grateful he was that each of us had brought our children up to look to the Lord. He prayed for his grandchildren and thanked God for the ones that were walking close to him and, while he never mentioned any names, he prayed for the ones that he wasn’t sure were walking close enough. He prayed for his friends and that means some of you – he knew the struggles some of you were going through. And just as I was having to prop up my arm with my hand as it was beginning to shake from holding it in one position for so long – as if to underscore what he’d already said, he’d begin again with, “And as I mentioned before Lord …” It was a precious, precious time spent with my father …

I was reminded of the time eleven years earlier when he’d had his heart attack and we nearly lost him. I’d received a call from Linda, who had said that if I wanted to see dad alive, I’d better drop everything immediately and get to the University Hospital in Saskatoon. I made it to Saskatoon from Moosomin in 3 hours … a trip that normally took about 5. I was so upset that in retrospect, I should not have been driving and the whole way I kept crying out to God to “Please, please let me see my dad just one more time!!” I thought of all the things I should have said that I hadn’t said and more things that I would say should God grant me the chance to do so. I remembered how a Bible verse came to mind right at that moment that said, “The righteous cry and the Lord hears and delivers them out of their troubles.” I remember thinking that I sure wasn’t righteous, but that if God would only hear my prayer, I would try to do better. The next thought I had was that I was rapidly approaching Regina and rush hour traffic and again I cried out to God saying, “God, you parted the water for Moses! You can part the cars for me!!” Just then I noticed lights flashing ahead and I thought, “Oh no! It’s the police and they will surely stop me for going this fast,” since I had the needle buried on my speedomoter. At the beginning of my journey I had turned on my four-way flashers for the benefit of other motorists so that they might be able to see this “crazed” woman coming down the highway. What I had thought to be a police car, however, turned out to be an ambulance, and when the other vehicles saw me coming with my four-way flashers on, they began to move into the other lane to let me pass through since they assumed I must be with the ambulance! I can tell you that I made it through Regina in record time and that I got to the hostpital in Saskatoon just as they were wheeling dad into the O.R. The next morning, alone with dad, I wasted no time in telling him all the things that I should have said but hadn’t. When I said to him that he had no idea how glad I was that I was sitting holding his hand that morning, he looked at me and with knowing in his eyes said, “Oh, yes I do, babe!”

God not only answered my prayer for that day but in his goodness he gave us another eleven years with dad. We can be so thankful for family and friends at times like this.

Alas, on May 26th, the handwriting in Dad’s daytimer had changed, and I want to stop right here for a moment to say a heartfelt THANK-YOU on behald of the family to Linda, who took the time to record dad’s last moments on this earth. I’d like to share some of those moments with you now …

Dad passed away in his sleep early this morning – about or between, 2:00 or 3:00 am. Rose Szabo had checked him at 2:00 & he was fine. At 3:00 he was gone … He was laying in bed looking as if he was sleeping peacefully, on his back, hands folded on his chest.

His clothes were laid out for today on the back of the chair, meds & junk food(!) on the table, slippers – moccasins – under the table by his bed. Ball cap in the basket of the walker.

Last night he was in Mom’s room watching the Oilers get beat (Argh! As Dad would say). Mom & I were in the hairdressing room, first door on the right down the hallway from Dad’s room. About 9:30 he stopped by to say good-night to Mom & I. Sid was just finishing Mom’s hair with the curling brush. Dad said, “O-o-h! You look Spiffy Mom. Pretty spinoiky!” He came in closer, leaned over & said, “Yuri, Yuri.”

I should explain “Yuri, Yuri”. Mom and dad went to Australia & New Zealand with Marilynn & Dave 4 years ago. Of course they arrived home with many pictures – one of which was mom rubbing noses with a man dressed in tribal garb. When we inquired as to what this picture was all about, we were told that it was a New Zealand Maori tribesman, greeting mom with a message of peace. Apparently, it is believed in their culture that if one is to rub noses with another, it is impossible to be at war with them. Thus, they say, “Yuri, yuri,” meaning “peace” and they seal it by rubbing noses.

So, after dad told mom she looked,“Pretty spinoiky” and had said, “Yuri yuri” to her, [Linda continues],

They rubbed noses, kissed cheeks & Dad said to Mom, ‘You go straight to bed now.’ Mom answered, ‘You go straight home now!’

And I guess that is exactly what he did.